Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
