Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
