I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
