My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
