Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
