So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
