There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
