it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
