o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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