Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
