Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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