butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
