ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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