Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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