honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
