And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
