Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
