I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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