My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
