HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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