either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
