South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
