can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
