his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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