The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
