you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
