Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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