the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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