I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
