Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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