i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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