my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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