Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Drunk is not a location!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
