i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
