You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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