I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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