Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
