I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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