Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
