he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
