at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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