My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
