I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Im part way to drunk.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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