Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
