I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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