if i can run in heels then i can drive
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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