Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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