Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You ate ashes out of my bong
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
