dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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