The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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