I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
